Poem – Stabilisers

Today,
I felt emptiness for the first time
in two years.
It resonated through me
like a stone
thrown down an empty corridor.
It scatters
and skittles
like a bug along the floor.

It rattled in my ribcage
like the wings of a bird
dying to be free.
It is the songbird you birthed in me
yet,
it no longer sings your name.
See, you were my favourite song
but that melody
was played over and over
until it wore thin.
I don’t listen to music anymore.

I sink into the loneliness.
But that is fine.
I let the current take me,
pull me under
and replace the air in my lungs with apathy.
I fall further and further
until I no longer fall at the feet of your name.
Once, I would dream to kiss every ‘L’
and the utmost important ‘C’.
Yet, it is just a word now.
And no
a rose by any other name
would not smell as sweet
when I am sick of flowers.

I would spend days upon days
tending to plants and petals,
preening and pruning,
for just a mere few hours
of vibrancy.
It would be all I lived for
yet the bloom was not worth it,
well, not anymore
anyway.

Now, I accept the coldness –
wear it proud like bruises
on a child’s knees,
turned purple from riding a bike.
You were my stabilisers.
You were comfortable
easy
safe,
you were home,
but now –
I must carefully undo the screws
and let you go.
So I can ride further than before
and you
can help someone else
to learn.

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